Lately, I seem to have been robbed of my ability to even.
By that I mean do ANYTHING whatsoever that isn’t mandatory or requires energy. I’ve spent A LOT of time sitting in my office or on my bed staring at the ceiling. Or the walls. Or a screen. Or the cat. Anything, really.
I have not spent enough time doing work or taking care of myself. I’m miserably behind at work, frequently late, and my boss is not impressed with me. I can’t seem to do tasks like remembering to pay rent and eat food and oh my god return all the clothes you bought online that don’t fit, you complete moron, despite having thoughts like that over and over again. I’m pretty sure I haven’t done the dishes in three weeks. The Amazing Charlotte (yup, that’s her name now) came over once and directed my cleaning while playing the Jeopardy theme song, but I can’t exactly rely on that.
All of this has caused me to withdraw from the world, both socially and professionally, IRL and online. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time with my two best friends, but other than that I very much want to be alone. I had to prioritize some things over others and make some tough decisions, decisions which have not been fair to those around me, and I feel terrible about those. I can guarantee you that I’ll probably regret them. But they are necessary for now.